Dear Fellow Baller...

The English Premiere League (that's English professional soccer, for the truly ig'nint) starts its season in just over two weeks. For those typical Americans who are briefly enamored of the game in the wake of the World Cup, this is your best chance to stay satisfied. (For the love of god, do not attempt to become a fan of our own Major League Soccer... that's like getting into pee-wee football instead of the NFL.) So, you may ask, how do I pick a side to support? Well, you essentially have two options: 1. If you are a woman, you can support Arsenal, as [at least according to Martha, our *bd* soccer consultant] most of the "really hot guys" you remember from the World Cup seem to be on that team; 2. You can read Bill Simmons's highly informative (and hilarious) Page 2 guide to picking an EPL team.


The official *bitter defeat* EPL squad is Liverpool FC, which comes in second on Simmons's list. How can you not support the same team as Pope John Paul II, Sporty Spice, and Chris "The Lady in Red" DeBurgh?? (Rumor has it that Dr. Dre and Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson are also fans.) Another interesting fact about Liverpool is their famous theme song, "You'll Never Walk Alone," which was most famously performed by Gerry and the Pacemakers. The Pink Floyd track "Fearless" also features a recording of Liverpool supporters chanting the song during a Wembly Cup match. What really freaked me out is that it's also the theme song of my second-favorite team, Celtic FC of the Scottish Premiere League. Football serendipity, y'all.

Speaking of athletics, it appears there is finally hope for us average white basketball players who long to dunk in a game... even if it's just once. Now we can Go Up Strong. Seriously, you must read this site. The line about WNBA tryouts is as funny as it is emasculating.